Come on, Sunshine
by SuperSpecialAwesomePie
Summary: After being away from Kanda for 8 months Rabi is finally able to see him! though things have changed in those 8 months they had been apart and with a little bit of Rabis lies and charm, it might change even more. RabixKanda fluff shonen-ai M for swearing
1. I'll walk you home

I DON'T OWN DGM. OR THE CHARATERS. THE END.XD and please forgive my typos TT

i have NO clue where i'm going with this story...if anyone has any ideas, tell me! XD;; well, here it is. hope you like it

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For the past seven days it had been snowing, bitter cold and foggy, making the outside world virtually uninhabitable to most humans. This, of coerce, excluded Rabi. Seeing as he adored snow and cold and ice and all those things most people hate about winter. He had spent all his free time outside. Always with someone who was most likely not outside simply because they wanted to be, but rather for the reason that Rabi had most likely found some way, be it black mail, bribery or just suckering then into it, to get them out there with him.

Though he had spent his week in the snow that he loved he was less than happy. More…worried. The minute he had gotten back from his mission he had asked Komui when Kanda would be back from his mission. He had been told Kanda was expected back that day. He didn't come.

Rabi wasn't too worried then, it was just 'expected' that he would be back and Kanda heraldry did the 'expected' thing. Though after five days had passed Rabi was diffidently worried. He had Asked Komui many times if there was any word from Kanda. There was none every time.

Most of the Order didn't seem too worried over Kanda. He never called to tell them hardly anything, so calling about being a few days late was out of the question.

"He probably just missed his train." Rabi told himself. …but how could missing a train make him _five days_ late? "Maybe he's having trouble finding a new train…?"

On the sixth day the Order received a call from a hospital about three hundred miles east that one of their exorcists was there, and had been for two days, in very bad shape, too. Komui was sending a group of finders to bring him back as soon as possible. And being this hospital was in a small town, as soon as possible would take another day.

The order chose to not tell anyone about this call.

"Rabi," Komui had called him in to his office for a 'very simple mission' "you need to go to the train station and make sure Kanda gets back safe."

Rabi drew a huge grin onto his face. "Yuu-chans back?" He paused then. The grin fell from his face to be replaced with a look of slight confutation. "Why does he need help getting back?"

"Uh..." Koumi fumbled for a moment trying to get the right words that wouldn't worry Rabi. "He just got a little beat up in the last mission, that's all. But he says its nothing." He added the last words very quickly. "He's furious with us for sending someone to get him" he laughed, then glanced at the clock on this wall. "Well, his train gets in in ten minutes so you better be going." He got up and escorted Rabi to the door.

"Hey, wait…." Rabi thought for a moment. There was something wrong with that sentence. "It takes twenty minutes to walk to the train station!"

Komui pushed him out the door "run fast." He said with a smile and closed the door quickly behind him.

Rabi arrived at the train station breathless. He had indeed run fast. Fast enough to get him there in only eleven minutes.

He collapsed on a bench by platform two, gasping for air. In his mind he was cursing Komui for not telling him about this 'mission', if it could even be called that, sooner. With every ragged breath Rabi drew in the cold air stung his throat. He had never been much of a runner. A shadow fell over him; he looked up, still breathing hard.

Kanda stood there, utterly annoyed, with his arms folded across his chest, his cheeks ever so slightly pink from the chilled air blowing on his pale skin.

"Yuu-chan!" Rabi sang out and jumped up, wrapping his arms around Kanda. "I'm so sorry I made you wait out in the cold. I'll make it better!" he said and snuggled into Kanda, trying to warm him up.

Kanda snarled. Then no sound came from him. He suddenly became much heavier in Rabi's arms.

Rabi leaned back to see Kanda, a look of slight concern on his face. "Yuu-chan, wha-" Kanda pushed him away sharply. "Get offa me!" he yelled and started to walk down the path to the order, growling something about "not needing any damn help walking."

Rabi ran after him to catch up. "Sooooooo," he drew out the word as he thought of what he was going to say. "What happened on your mission, Yuu-chan?"

"Why does it matter to you?" he said as he shot a glare at Rabi and flipped a bit of silken black hair away from his face.

Rather…girlish Rabi thought that movement was. He chuckled a bit.

Kanda's brows knitted together in annoyance. "What?" he asked.

Rabi ignored those last words. "Why do ya gotta be so mean, Yuu-chan?" he whined.

Kanda opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. His steps slowed down and became unsteady.

"Yuu, are you alright?" Rabi asked, concernedly.

Kanda took another shaky step. His eyes became cloudy. His weight shifted to the foot that was in the air and he fell off the path, hiting the ground hard and continued to roll a few more feet down the icy slope of the hill in which the bridge (thought it wasn't quite a bridge) to the order was carved.

"Yuu-chan! Are you alright?!" Rabi yelled to him as he jumped off the path himself. His feet slip out from under him as his boots hit the ice covered slope.

Kanda had managed to stop himself from sliding any further by sprawling his legs out on the ice. He sat up on his knees and looked dazedly around to figure out where he was now. Lake. He was on the lake. "Shit…" he said aloud. When he had rolled down the hill, he had landed rather hard on the frozen lake , putting a few cracks in it, though these didn't go all the way through the ice. He slowly started to crawl towards the land, only about ten feet away.

"Yuu-chan!" he heard Rabi yell, then a loud thud as Rabi slipped and started to skid down the same path Kanda had.

If Rabi hit the ice in the same spot…it would break for sure. Kanda started to move faster. He tried to stand up but when he did so he fell back down, hitting his head on the ice. He buckled over and clasped his hands to his side. He'd gotten a pretty deep gash on his side from an Akuma on his mission. The wound must have reopened as he fell, seeing all the blood dripping onto the ice…

Rabi tumbled onto the ice, hitting it hard as it absorbed all his momentum. The first thing hitting the ice was his head. He lay on the lake dazed.

Kanda heard the ice under him shift, then he felt it. A huge crack went through the middle of the lake, then from that, smaller cracks branched off. Kanda rolled to the side as a chuck of ice separated from the rest and crumbled, the small pieces of ice being forced under the remaining ice, breaking it up as it tried to float up from under it. When Kanda had rolled out of the way he managed to put himself in the way of many more pieces of crumbling ice. He felt the ice cold water soaking his long black hair, then felt it on his knees and hands. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, "he kept trying to move out of the way of the ice though in doing so he was pushing himself farther and farther into the middle of the lake. "Rabi!" he yelled to the other boy who was still lying on the ice, unmoving.

Rabi pushed himself up on one arm and looked around in a daze. "Naaaah, Yuu?" he said as his vision steadied and his brain started functioning properly. He felt his heart skip a beat when he took in all that his eyes were able to see. Blood, lots of blood, and everywhere. And Kanda, he looked panicked. Then Rabi noticed the cracking ice.

Right as Rabi jumped up; the chunk of ice Kanda was clinging to fell apart. His body went into shock for a moment when he was submerged in the freezing water. He was able to get his head back above water for a moment, just long enough to take a breath before sinking back down. The weight of his clothes was pulling him under. He struggles to stay above the ice but failed, and continued to sink. He let his body fall limp seeing as all flailing around was doing for him was losing him air. He closed his eyes, the cold water stung them too much to be worth keeping them open to look up at that precious sky where there was air and sun and warmth, even if only a little.

Rabi ran faster than he had ever remembered doing in his whole life. He skidded as he tried to stop on the ice and fell onto his side. And pulled himself the extra foot to the edge of the ice Kanda had fallen through. Rabi had no time to look for Kanda above water as the ice beneath him crumbled just as Kandas had. Rabi was lucky he didn't get cold easily like Kanda and wasn't wearing as many layers as him. He paused for a split second and looked around for Kanda. He didn't find Kanda, so much as the 

cloudy train of blood in the water left behind from where he was. Rabi dove down in and swam as fast as he could to the bottom of the lake and wrapped an arm around Kandas waist then pushed off from the lake floor.

When he reached the surfers he made sure Kanda was up first. Kanda was also the first on land, with Rabi pulling himself out next to him. Rabi shook from the cold and gasped for breath. "Yuu…Yuu-chan, you alight?" he asked breathlessly. No answer from Kanda. Rabi seemed to get another burst of energy and his heart started pounding again. He put an ear to Kandas chest and waited for what seemed like eternity but was really only about three seconds. He could hear Kandas heart beat, but no breathing. Rabi went into a panic as all thought of what do to left him, then came back in less than a second. He put a hand over Kandas nose and the other to the side of his head to support himself. Rabi took a deep breath then leaned down, putting his mouth over Kandas and blew the air from his lounges to Kanda's. He leaned back, waited a second, and then did it again. Two more times after that then Kanda chocked, coughing and clutching his bleeding side. "You alright?!" Rabi asked the very second Kanda made a sound. He was still very close to Kandas face incase he stopped breathing again.

Kanda took in one gasping breath then froze. "…you…what. What did you do to me?!" Kanda managed after shuddering for a moment. "You kissed me, you fucking retard. Freak, sicko, g-get offa me!" Kanda gasped for breath again and flung his weak arms at Rabi chest in an attempt to push him away, which would have worked if not for the cold weakening his muscles.

"We can fight later; we need to get back to the order right now." Rabi said hurriedly as he grabbed Kanda in his arms and swung him over his shoulder, and started running as fast as he could for the order.

"Put me down right now, bastard!!" Kanda yelled and tried to kick his legs to get free, but again, weakened muscles.

"Kanda, stop it! You'll bleed to death if you keep moving like that." Rabi ordered. Kanda had already started soaking Rabi's coat with his blood.

Kanda stopped moving. Never, never in his whole life had Rabi called him by his last name. He could try to save his pride later; right now he had to do as Rabi told him. He noticed, too, that he didn't have any feeling in his hands or feet…

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reviews make me happy! and being happy makes me write more :D


	2. come on, Sunshine, lets be off

Only three hours in the hospital for Rabi. Just to warm him up and make sure his body didn't go into shock from the cold water.

Kanda on the other hand…was kept for one week. At first the doctors were very worried about him. His hands had a bit of forts bite and some of the nerves were damaged, he had reopened a deep gash on his side and was a bit delirious from blood loss.

After Rabi got the ok from the doctors to leave he went to Kandas room. The fuss they were making over him had died down once they had gotten new bandages for him and stopped the bleeding. They found out that the frost bite on his hands wasn't bad at all, maybe one of two small numb stops from nerve damage.

Rabi sat down on the wooden stool next to his bed and stared at him for a moment. It had been so long since he had really gotten a good look at him. He had been on the mission he just came from for three months and before that a series of missions for five months. In that span of eight months Rabi had only seen Kanda once. At dinner, the night before he left on his most recent mission, and it was only a glance from across the hall. All the other times Rabi had been away when Kanda was at the Order and Kanda away when Rabi was home.

Kandas hair had gotten longer. Rabi marveled at how he could see with his bangs so long. His skin had gotten paler…Rabi didn't want to think why that might have happened. He had gotten thinner too. Rabi decided that he would have Kanda eat much more then he had been once he got out of the hospital. He really was under weight. Hardly ate anything. Rabi had asked why and gotten the reply of "waste of time."

"Yuu-chan, you alright?" Rabi whispered. Not wanting to wake him if he wasn't already up.

Kanda mumbled something Rabi couldn't hear. He opened his eyes slightly and cast his glance in Rabis general direction. His eyes troubled to focusing on him, and once they did his eyes seemed cloudy, they slid in and out of focus for a moment then closed again.

Rabi gave a week smile and brush a bit of Kandas hair out of his face then got up and left the room. Kanda probably wanted peace and quiet to sleep in.


	3. Its time for a change

"This is ridicules!" Kanda snapped at one of the doctors. Seven days in bed for just falling in a lake? He felt like he might go crazy staying there for one more minute. He pushed his way past the nurse in his room and out the door, then stomped down the short hall way to the door leading into the main part of the Order. "I swear if I have to eat that shit they serve there one more time" Kanda stopped as he felt something bump into him. Rather…warm, somewhat soft…

"Yuu-chan!" Rabi sang and wrapped his arms around Kandas shoulders. "So you're feeling better?" he said with a big grin.

Kanda jerked his way out of the hug and punched Rabi in the chest.

"ow," Rabi whined "what was that for, Yuu-chan?" he pushed his bottom lip into a pout.

Kanda took a very quick look around to see if anyone was there, no one was. He punched Rabi again, this time pushing him back in the same movement. "You bastard." He hissed. Making sure to be somewhat quite in case anyone was around the corner.

Rabi had a look of confusion on his face. All he had done was gone to check on his friend in the hospital. "Yuu, I don't"

"Shut up, you fucking 'tard!" Kanda snarled and pushed Rabi into the wall on the opposite side of the hall. "You…you kissed me, you sicko." He whispered the last part.

"WHAT?" Rabi was truly confused now. Never in his life had he kissed Kanda.

"After I fell. You kissed me when I was out, you…you" Kanda tried to think of something else rude to call Rabi.

"oooooooh, no, no, Yuu-chan." Rabi giggled a bit. He put his finger on Kandas nose. "That wasn't a kiss. You weren't breathing, what else could I have done?" Kanda looked like he was about to bite that finger right off Rabis hand so he removed it quickly.

"I was breathing just fine!" Kanda snarled, glaring at Rabi.

Rabi giggled again and pushed Kanda away from him with surprising ease.Kanda had gotten weaker from that week in bed. Rabi chose to ignore Kandas lie about his breathing, then smirked. "Maybe you _want _me to have kissed you?"

Kandas eyes filled with rage. "Why on earth do you think I would _want _a kiss from _you_?!" to Kandas annoyance Rabi kept on smirking.

Kanda couldn't see it, but his cheeks had a very slight pink tent to them now. This was going to be infinitely amusing to Rabi every time he recalled that look on Kandas face.

Kanda snarled and turned his head in the other direction. "I don't even want a kiss from anyone, let alone you." He made to walk away when Rabi jumped in front of him and walked with him, though walking backwards so to keep facing Kanda. "So, Yuu-chans never had a kiss?" He teased.

"I don't want something like that. Never have. And don't have time for it. " Kanda said, trying to keep himself leave headed.

Rabi smirked again. "Maybe I should show Yuu-chan what a _real _kiss is like, hm?" He smiled an evil sort of grin.

Kanda swung another punch at him, hitting him in the shoulder. "WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT?! You're gross, annoying, sick"

Rabi turned on his heels, his back now to Kanda "Ah, then I guess Allen wins." He signed over dramatically.

"What?" Kanda stopped his rant.

"Oh, nothing." Rabi cast his eyes to the side to get a glimpse of Kandas face. "Allen just made a little bet with me, that's all. He bet that if given a chance you wouldn't give someone a kiss. But, I guess he beat you."

Rabi found it insanely amusing how much losing to Allen bothered Kanda…and unbelievably useful, too. And when he turned back around to see him, Kandas face was twisted in a way that seemed like he was trying to make a very _very _hard choice.

Kanda cast his face downwards, his bangs covering most of his face now. He took in a breath, started to say something, then stopped. He glanced around again. "Do it." He commanded quietly. "And tell that fucking idiot he lost." Kanda was very glad for his overly long bangs at this time as they hid his blush from Rabis sight.

Rabi stopped for a moment. He didn't think Kanda would really say yes…. He smirked again. "Alright, now you'll know that what I did before wasn't a kiss." He took a hold of Kandas shoulders, turned him to where his back was pressed into the cold stone wall and leaned close to his face. He paused to admire the contrast of the dark pink on Kandas cheeks to the white of his skin, then leaned the extra centimeter between them.

Kanda really had no clue what he should do. He hadn't seen in movies when people kiss, hadn't hardly seen it on the streets. His body tensed up as he felt Rabi sucking lightly on his bottom lip and felt one of his hands sliding through his hair…he felt dizzy. He couldn't stand anymore. His legs were shaking, any minute now they would give out. Then Rabi pulled away. Just in time. He kept his face a mere inch away from Kandas, kept his hand tangled in his hair.

"Open your mouth." He said, barely a whisper.

Kanda, in his daze, complied with Rabis wish. He parted his lips ever so slightly, not knowing why Rabi wanted that, but also not having the brain power to think why he might.

Rabi pressed his lips to Kandas again. He ran his tongue across Kandas bottom lip. He felt shaky hands on the back of his head as Kanda pushed him closer, deepening their kiss. "so," Rabi thought "he really did want this…"


	4. come on, falling star

Kanda sat on his bed, all the covers around him but not on him. Moon light filtered in through the broken panes of glass of his window, making his skin appear even paler then it naturally was. He closed his eyes then turned his head to the side and looked out the window. He was still for a moment then sat up abruptly, grabbed the pillow off his bed and through it at the window. He sighed again, this time in annoyance rather than in forced calmness. He got off the bed and walked to his door, put his hand on the knob then stopped. "…what the hell am I doing?" he asked himself with another sigh as he turned the knob.

Rabi awoke as he heard a slamming sound from somewhere outside his room. He got up quickly and walked to the door, cracked it oven with a small squeak from the hinges and peered out. Light flooded in from the kitchen. Rabi opened the door the rest of the way and stepped out, closing it slowly behind him. He turned the corner that led him to the kitchen. "Yuu-chan, you're up afoul late."

Kanda put down a glass with a loud clink on the wooden table he was seated at and turned his head to face Rabi. "what'r you doin'?" he slurred. He took another swig of whatever it was he had been drinking. And Rabi guessed form how he was talking; he had been drinking it for some time now.

"You really shouldn't be drinking this…" he looked over at the clock on the wall "early. "

"It's your fault, ya idiot." He glared, as best he could in his state, at Rabi.

Rabi walked to the table and sat next to Kanda. "And whys that?" He asked, somehow offended but mostly confused.

Kanda blinked a few times before looking at Rabi. His cheeks had a pink tent to them again. He really had been drinking for a while… "…I can't stand ya.'" He said finally. "you're stupid an' annoying and…I can't believe wha' cha av' done ta me."

"What did I do?"

"Ya made…" Kanda stopped. Thought for a moment, then started again. "ya made me need ya, you…retard." He slammed his glass down to emphasize 'retard' though his hand and his words were a little off.

Rabis heart skipped a beat. He was stunned for a moment, to hear Kanda say something like _that_? well, that was unheard of. Then he laughed, shaking his head, remembering Kandas drunk. Anything he said at this moment would mean nothing. Though…last time he had been like this he had told truths he would never had told any other way…. "Yuu-chan, you better get off to bed. Sleep all this off." He picked up Kandas glass and went to pour it into the sink. Kanda grabbed his shoulder and held him back.

"Ya don' believe me jus' cuz ya think I'm drunk." he spluttered. "I'm not jokin' wit cha, I hate it, 'ow I can't stan' it without cha." He pushed himself up off his seat, using Rabis shoulder as a hold to stop himself from tripping. "Iz like…derz somthin' prezzin' down on meh chest…when yer not 'ere, like I can't 

breath cuzza it." He stumbled a little when Rabi tried to shift away from him. Not wanting Kanda to say anymore of these 'lies'. Even if they weren't all lies... "Just drunken lies." Rabi told himself.

Kanda stopped himself from falling by grabbing Rabi's shoulder again, turning him around by the sudden dead weight on one side of his body. When Kanda straightened up he was nose to nose with Rabi, and not caring. "But dat goz 'way when yer 'ere. I feel…warm, when yer 'ere. I like 't."

"Yuu-chan, you really should go to bed." Rabi said nervously. Kanda would regret all these words in the morning… for sure he would. "you don't' want to give me more things to tease you with, do ya?" He wrapped an arm around Kandas shoulders and started off, slowly so Kanda could keep up, to take him to his room. Kanda shuffled his feet trying to walk along with Rabi and failing somewhat.

Kanda was quiet till his door was in sight. "…if ya don believe me, ask me tomorro'. I'll say da same thing."

Rabi smiled, both nervously and trying to hide his laughter. "Will do." He said as he opened the door to Kandas room. "Now go to sleep." He said after walking Kanda over to his bed.

Rabi walked back to his room. His feet felt heavy, he took deep slow breaths. Once he was about half way back to his room he laughed…a forced laugh. "oh, Yuu-chan, you come up with the oddest things when you're drunk." he was still laughing when he put his hand on the door knob, he stopped then, and glanced at his hand on the cold metal knob. "...now why on earth am I shaking?" he gave a halfhearted laugh.


	5. and i've been waiting for so long

"Rabi, do you know where Kanda is?" Linali asked. "He hasn't come to breakfast this morning, and it's nearly noon!"

Rabi looked up from his plate of half eaten waffles. "I think he's still sleeping." He said before stuffing another bit of waffle in his mouth.

"Would you mind going and getting him? Brother wants to see him for a report on his mission."

Rabi nodded, unable to speak for the massive amount of waffle in his mouth at the time. He stuffed another few piece in his mouth before leaving to fetch Kanda.

Jerry made amazing waffles, worth getting up in the morning for. If it wasn't for the waffles, Rabi would be sleeping till one every day.

He walked down the hall to Kandas room, still chewing his waffle. He wished he had taken some with him. Once he got there, he knocked on Kandas door. "Yuuuuuu-chaaaan" he called. "Can I come in?" he didn't hear an answer and took that for a 'yes'. He opened the door to see Kanda lying on his stomach with his face in a pillow. Rabi giggled a little. "Some ones got a hangover. " He said as he closed the door. He really shouldn't be laughing at his friend when he was like this, but…it just seemed so out of character for Kanda, in a way it was cute. "Yuuuu" he poked Kandas back through the thick certain of long black hair that lay on top of it.

Kanda growled and wiggles his shoulders to try to get Rabi to stop. Of course it didn't work. In fact, Rabi got a kick out of it and pocked more, laughing. "You're just like a cat!" he exclaimed. "You know how when you pock their ears, they twitch?"

Kanda stopped moving. Rabi was especially annoying this morning. "Rabi," he growled. "Go away."

"But I was sent here to get you." Rabi said and leaned down right next to Kandas head, trying to get a look at his exception. Angry Kanda always had the best faces. "You not feeling good?"

"What do you think?!" he snapped, turning his head so Rabi could hear him better. He found himself far too close to Rabi for his liking.

Rabi smiled. "Just like a cat." He got his face out of Kandas space quickly, years of knowing him hadn't taught him much but he had learned that Kanda wasn't pleasant in the mornings, and if there is any part of your body in his three foot personal space bubble, you were at high risk of losing said body part. "Komui wants to see for about your mission. And probably wants to talk about your next one. You should be happy! You get to leave the order again."

Kanda sat up and rubbed his forehead. He had a horrible head ache.

Seeing Kanda rubbing his head, Rabi went off to the bathroom to get him some water. He handed it to Kanda and sat on the bed next to him.

Kanda took the water but didn't drink it. He looked at Rabi, trying to will him with his eyes to get away from him. He didn't want to open his mouth in fear of getting sick. After a moment of trying to glare Rabi off the bed he gave up and took a sip of water.

"Why were you drinking so much anyway?" Rabi asked, concernedly. It wasn't like Kanda to drink _that _much, though he did like his sake.

Kanda was silent for a moment. "…I said last night." He said very quietly.

Rabi was very sure of what he meant but didn't want to be. He felt a sudden pulse in his chest then a sickly sinking. "W-What do you mean, Yuu-chan?"

Kanda looked over at him. He wasn't one to read emotions but Rabi seemed…nervous? "….don't make me say it again." Kanda said, barely a whisper.

"But I don't know what it is you're talking about." Rabi smiled. Then let his smile slip. Why a smile? It was automatic he guessed. But such an odd expression for a moment like this.

Kanda signed. Maybe he hadn't said it last night after all… "…that…I need you. In some sick and twisted way I do." He said very quietly and very quickly.

Kanda was shaking just the smallest bit, but Rabi would never miss something like that. Kanda was…afraid? It didn't fit. He had been acting out of the range of normal for him ever since he had gotten back from that mission.

"And I hate it!!" his hands clinched on the sheets, trying to stop the shaking. "I can't stand you, I don't even like you! So how on earth could I need you? …but I do." The last words came out in utter defeat. This was it; he had lost, given in to something as simple as his emotions. He knew exactly what he was going to say next, he didn't want to say it, would have given anything to stop himself but couldn't. "…so, please…" he started to shake again. He lifted his head and faced Rabi. If he had to do this he was going to do it as right as he possibly could. "Let me be yours." And in an instant, all his pride was gone.


	6. Sunshine, for you to be mine

Rabi sat in sock. Not sure of what do to. It was like this was a different person for the Kanda he had known for so long. But it truly was him; there was no question about it.

Kanda still looked him in the eye like he hardly ever did. Most of the time it was hard to see but Kanda had blue eyes…beautiful, dark, ice cold eyes. "…It's just 'yes' or 'no', there's no other choice." He said after an awkward silence.

Rabis mouth forced him to try to speak but he made no sound. He had no clue what to say. Did he want Kanda? Want him like that? …but 'a bookman needs no heart' right?

"Don't get his wrong." Kanda said after another silence. "I don't _want _you. I just…you know." He didn't want to say it again.

Once Rabi's heart had returned to a somewhat normal pace he spoke. "..Yeah. …but" he smiled just the smallest bit. Just because he _needs_ no heart doesn't mean e doesn't still have it…"Is it ok if it means just a little more to me?" he whispered.

Kandas eyes widened and his face went pink again but was then quickly hidden from view by him standing and turning his back to Rabi. "Y-You're weird." Kanda spluttered out.

Rabi could just _hear _the blush in his voice. He snickered a little then got up himself. "But I can't help it, Yuu!" he jumped in front of Kanda and put his hands on his shoulders, holding him there. "You're just too pretty." He took a lock of Kandas silken, black hair into his hand, brought it to his lips, the let it go and gave Kanda a soft smile.

Kanda pushed him away and opened the door rather quickly and stepped out just as fast. "I'm not pretty! You're just a freak!" he slammed the door.

Rabi chuckled to himself. "So cute" he sang out.

"AND GOT OUTTA MY ROOM!!" he heard Kanda yell from half way down the hall, at that Rabi burst out in to full blown laughter.


	7. A fake behind the fear

The next morning Kanda had left on another mission. He had left in the early morning, some time before Rabi had gotten up.

Rabi sat in the dining hall, in a table in the corner and sulked, not eating his food. He had a determined look of annoyance set in his face.

'We didn't even have a day together! I finally got up the courage to tell him how I feel,' Rabi thought. The part he left out was that it was Kanda, not himself who got the courage first, but that wasn't helping Rabi's case so he chose to forget that part for now. 'And he goes and leaves the next day! I'm so insulted' he made a face like he had just eaten a lemon.

'...or I try to be.'

No,no, shut up!

'I'm scared really. If bookman found out, who knows what could happen…'

Stop it! Don't think like that. There's nothing to 'find out' 'Just pass it off as lust, stupid! Kandas hot, Bookman would believe it if I said 'just lust'.'

'But…that's cruel. To both myself and him..."

'It is not! He said himself he doesn't want me. And its lust! So it's not cruel, it's the truth.'

'What happened to 'is it ok if it means a little more to me?'?'

'Nothing happened to it! It's there. Lust is more than just needing something. It's a form of wanting, just wanting his body rather than his love."

'That's…horrible. How could I do that to someone!?'

"Rabi? What's wrong!?"

Rabi snapped his eyes open. Had he fallen asleep? He had no idea, but he was sure glad whatever it was was over. He pulled his hands away from his face and looked up to see Linali leaning over him, along with about half the Order. He was…shaking? He looked down at his hands; he couldn't keep them still no matter how hard he tried. And water on the table too? No, he ran a hand over his cheeks, he had been crying?

"Rabi, are you ok? What's wrong?!" Linali asked again.

"huh?" he looked up at her again , then realized, he had been seen crying by half the Order. So, within the next twenty minutes the _whole _Order will have heard of it. "yeah, yeah, I'm fine! I don't know what happened really." He got up from the table and started to walk as quickly as he could, without breaking out into a run, away. He wasn't sure where he was headed but just about anywhere would be batter then here.

"Well" he said once he had run, he had failed at not, out of the dining hall and was now walking the hall way that led to the baths. "I guess I have no reputation anymore." He laughed. He passed the door to the bath. Why not take one so long as he was here? Once he was in the bath room he decided on a shower instead. He had work to do with bookman. Though he didn't see why he ever bothered if he was such a failure as bookman said he was.

"Oh, that's right," He said as he turned on the hot water in the shower. "If I've already broken most of the rules why not break the last one?" he grinned. "It couldn't bring anything bad! Besides, he owes me for being away on some stupid mission on my birthday." He grabbed the shampoo from the shelf in the shower. "He can help me break the last rule." He grinned even bigger this time, and then laughed. "It sounds so dirty like that." he smirked.

* * *

Rabi was glad Kandas mission was only three days but it was still one day too long. The day before he came back was Rabi's birthday. All the other times Kanda had been away on his birthday, which was all but one, Rabi had been rather angry at him once he got back. It seemed like he planned it so he wasn't there every year…. But his time Rabi wasn't mad at all. Part of him was glad he had an extra day to get himself ready for once Kanda was back.

He couldn't believe it took him eight years just to find out what it was about Kanda. He laughed.

Rabi walked through the overly huge doors leading outside to the snow covered land. He smiled once he was out. It had been so long since he had been outside. It was nice today, too. Or nice to Rabi, to everyone it was far too cold to be outside. Rabi ran right into the middle of the grounds then spun around a few times, got dizzy and fell over. He turned that fall into a rather failed attempt to make a snow angel, which was only half finished when he got tired of it. He was still, staring up at the clouded sky, watching the snow fall. He smiled slightly. It was just like the first time he saw snow in real life. He had heard about it before then, of course, but never seen it. It was when he first got to the Order. He'd just plopped down in the snow and lay there for hours. Just like now. Then tiny, ten year old Kanda came out and looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Just like he does now" Rabi giggled. Thinking back on it that was the first time he met Kanda. Little Rabi had proceeded to smile at Kanda, jump up, grab his hands and pull him down into the snow with him. Little Kanda had then hit him and stormed off into the Order once more.

And now that Rabi was remembering, Kanda really had been tiny for a ten year old. Rabi had towered over him; it used to make Kanda _so _mad.

It was nicer back then, Rabi thought. No 'I'll kill you!'s from Kanda, no missions, and Kanda had been happier back then, too. Though still very much the grumpy Kanda he was to the day. "But you used to smile, Yuu-chan…" Rabi was immensely thankful for his amazing memory at times like this; he could still remember Kandas smile. It was imposable to put that same emotion on the older version but little Kanda was good enough…for now.

"Rabi!! Get back in now!" bookman yelled from the door.


	8. Cause theres no one like you, Sunshine

It was three in the morning and the party was still going. The Order would never let an opportunity to party pass them by! Especially those poor science section men, none stop work for them, so any birthday was more than welcome.

There had been cake, of course, made fabulously by Jerry, ice cream, chips, cookies, more drinks then one could count, and waffles on Rabi request. Everyone was having a fantastic time. Rabi just couldn't understand how Kanda couldn't like parties. Or how someone could not like being around others.

"Did anyone else see Kanda when he went to Komui's office to ask for his mission?" Allen asked, trying to hold back a laugh.

"No, why?" Rabi asked.

Now that there was possible gossip, Linali and Miranda crowned around Rabi and Allen, not wanting to miss anything said.

"His face was all red! Anyone know what happened?" Allen laughed. "He looked ridiculous!"

Linali and Miranda both giggled. "Oh, blushing Kanda? It sounds so strange. I wish I had seen it!" Linali said. "You don't suppose one of the girls talked to him, do you?"

Rabi tried to think why Kanda would have been like that. Assuming he went straight to Komui's office after storming out of his room…. Rabi grinned. "Something like that." he said, rather devilishly. "I'm gonna go get something to drink." He said as an excuse to get away, after seeing their questioning looks at his grinning. He was absolutely ecstatic he had managed to make Kanda blush like Allen said. "Oh I only wish I coulda seen it!" he tried to imagine what Kandas blushing face would be like when he heard the sound of the huge front doors slam shut.

"Speak of the devil." He heard someone say. Then the whole room went quiet.

Rabi whorled around to see just who, though he had a good idea, it was that had just walked in.

Kanda stood there, frozen and somewhat in shock of seeing so many people he hated in one place, then he turned around and pulled on the door knob.

"Yuu-chan! No, no, don't leave!" Rabi called as he ran through the crowd trying to get to Kanda before he managed to open the great doors.

Kanda snarled and pulled the door open, letting in a blast of freezing air, and slipped out. Rabi right behind him.

The order was quiet for another moment then Allen said "well, why don't we let him deal with Kanda…" and from there the noise leave went back to what it was before.

Kanda stomped out of the door into the snow, trying to pretend Rabi wasn't there.

Rabi ran to get in front of him and stopped him by putting his hands on his shoulders.

"What do you want?!" Kanda growled at him.

Rabi opened him mouth to say something smart, or cute, it was never found out as he stopped. He was transfixed by Kanda. He must have truly not gotten a good look at him since those eight, almost nine, months had gone by. All the other times it was ether dark or Kanda was hiding behind his bangs, because now… "…gorgeous…" Rabi whispered. Kandas hair fell just perfectly around his face, the light from the full moon hitting his face just right, showing just how blue his eyes really were, and how smooth and beautifully pale his skin was, and that oh so very cute pink tent to his cheeks he got when it was cold out, and his pale pink lips, long black eyelashes…

"…what?" Kanda said, sounding somewhat freaked out.

Rabi shock his head clear to get his thoughts together. "Yuu-chan, I missed you!" he said and wrapped his arms around Kandas thin frame. "You came back in time for my birthday! I'm so happy!" he sang. Though he knew Kanda hadn't meant to come back in time for his birthday. He leaned back and put his nose to Kandas, then smiled. "But you still owe me for making me think you'd miss it."

Kanda pushed back from Rabi franticly. He managed to get out of his hold and stumbled back a few steps. "If you think I'm getting you anything you're an idiot!!"

"I don't' want you to give me anything, per say." Rabi said with a grin and walked closer to Kanda again. "I know exactly what I want, Yuu-chan." Rabi was within five inches of Kanda again.

Kanda tried to glare up at him but the slight blush on his face killed the emotion he was going for. "What?"

"Guess!" Rabi said happily.

Kanda stared at his smiling face for a moment then turned and walked away.

"No, Yuu-chan!" Rabi called, running after him. "You can't do that! That's cheating!"

"Will you stop annoying the hell outta me if I guess?!" Kanda snapped at him.

"Yes." Rabi said with a stupid looking smile.

"Fine!" Kanda yelled. He grabbed a hold of Rabi scarf andjercked him down to his face. Kanda paused for a moment. What one earth was he thinking?! But…he had said he'd stop bothering him if he guessed… Kanda pulled Rabi into a kiss, it was a less then gentle kiss but somehow Rabi liked it far more then the gentle ones. After a moment, Kanda pulled away. He was half hoping that he guessed right, if he didn't he would feel like some sort of perv he thought. But the other half hoped he was wrong, he didn't know what to do if Rabi really just wanted a kiss…it felt too sincere, too kind.

Rabi gave him a huge grin. "Yuu-chan guessed right!" he sang and wrapped his arms around Kanda again.

"W-Why the hell would you want something like that!?" Kanda yelled. "And let go of me!"

Rabi didn't let go. "Then why did you guess I wanted it if you didn't know why?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

Kanda didn't say anything.

"I wanted Yuu to kiss me." Rabi said in a far too happy way.

"Don't use my name for some stupid pun." Kanda growled. He made no attempt to get out of Rabi hold… he was cold, that's why.

They were silent for a moment. Kanda got heavier in Rabis arms as he leaned into him. Was Kanda trying to…cuddle? Rabi couldn't help a smile to creep onto his face. Kanda had his moments, and they always made all the yelling and fighting and punching worth it. Rabi wrapped his arms tighter around Kanda. He could feel his heart beat on his own chest…it seemed far too fast, his breathing was faster too and he was shivering…or shaking maybe. "…you alight?" Rabi asked softly.

Kanda brought his arms around Rabis back and pushed him closer, his hands clung to the fabric of his coat.

"What's wrong?" Rabi asked, a little scared. Even when Kanda was being sweet, he would never cling like that.

Kanda clung tighter and was still for another moment. "…are you…afraid to die?" he asked so quietly Rabi almost didn't hear him.

Rabis heart fell. He knew exactly why he was acting the way he was now. He smiled, in a rather sad way. "No. I'm not scared of it. Just scared of having regrets." He said calmly. "If you worry too much about what will happen when you're dead then you won't live your life the way you want to, then, once you die, you'll wish you had spent time on other things."

Kanda started to shake. "I'm…scared. I don't wanna die, Rabi!" his voice shock just as much as his body. "I've wasted too much time."

Rabi ran a hand up and down Kandas back, trying to stop his shaking. "You sound like you're going to die tomorrow, and even if that was true, live the rest of your life for you, not for anyone else, not for the Order, and most certainly not for your pride!" Rabi chuckled a little.

Kanda looked up at him with tears in his eyes.

'ohshit' Rabi thought. 'Don't cry, Yuu, please, _please _don't cry.'

"……..if I'm gonna do what you say…should I start now?" he asked so quietly and…and…timidly. To let someone in like he was about to…he hadn't ever done something like that. And what if he didn't like it? Then what would he do…but...What if he loved it? If Rabi answered his question he had no clue. His mind was spinning, trying to put together the right words to say. Being not very good with words 

didn't help at all, and having English as a second language just hindered that even more. "I…" was he really gonna say _that? _No, no he couldn't do that. "I said, before…I didn't love you…" his voice threatened to break any moment. But why? Why was he so afraid of just three simple words? "Would you believe me now…If I said I lied?"

Rabi was just as scared as Kanda was, though not showing it as much. Bookman had tried to rid Rabi of all his emotions. It hadn't worked but he learned how to hide and recreate them very well. "…w-what?" Rabi couldn't think of anything to say. He must have heard him wrong, that's it! No way Kanda could _love _him. …no way he could let himself love.

Kanda hid his face from view by smothering it in Rabi scarf. "…aishiteru." He said, greatly muffled by the scarf. The words seemed to mean more to him in his own language somehow.

'no,no,no,no,no! It's a lie, he's toying with you. He's drunk…or tired, or something! This isn't like him, not at all. You can't. You can't, Rabi!!' Not sure whether to listen to his mind or his wants he could only look down at the shacking body in his arms. Kanda seemed so fragile now. Rabi feared if he held him much tighter he might break.

Kanda broke the silence. He couldn't take it. "…I want to die like this." He said, his voice still shaking.

"W-What!?"

"I like it here…in your arms." Screw pride! Screw his reputation. He had three petals left and who knew how long that would last him. "It's warm. This is how I want to die, here, in your arms."

Rabi let go and pushed Kanda away. Now he was shaking. "st-stop it! You're not gonna die! I'll make sure of it! I'll do anything for you and I'll die before you do! For sure!" Rabi was backing away; he nearly tripled in the snow as he did so.

Kanda looked despite. One of the many expressions he had never seen on Kandas face…and one he wished he never had. "I can't take it anymore! Every breath I take just makes me feel like I'm suffocating even more, I can feel every heartbeat and it hurts more then you could possibly believe! …" Kanda paused, and took a few shaky steps towards Rabi. His legs gave out, his strength taken away by fear. He fell right back into Rabis arms. "…if you'll do anything for me then make this stop. ..K-kill me. KILL ME, RABI!!" he shouted.

"Y-you've gone crazy!" Rabi shouted back in fear. "I'm taking you to the hospital right now! They'll fix you, they'll make everything better." Rabi said as he started to drag Kanda through the snow, back to the order doors. "They can give you drugs to make the pain stop, Yuu." Rabi voice started to break. 'I'm the one who can't take it!' he thought. 'How could you ask me to kill you?! what if you had made me do it…you'd regret that.'


	9. Like dubble cherry pie

(this ones got a little...um...pre-smex stuff in it? xD;;; ...you have no clue how much i felt like a perv writing that part. )

Rabi had gotten the doctors at the order to check on Kanda that night. They had taken Rabi in, too. After seeing what state he was in it looked like he needed more help then Kanda. They stayed overnight.

Kanda was just fine in the morning. Like he always was when he had one of his panic attacks like that. They came very few and far apart. The one last night was only the third one he ever had. The first one, Rabi had seen, and just like this time he had ended up far more torn up then Kanda. The second time he was alone, that one was the worst. Rabi always made it better. He always stopped Kanda from doing those crazy things he wanted to do at times like that.

The doctors had to give Rabi something to calm him down. He was still asleep when they let Kanda out. He didn't wake till half past five. He seemed fine enough to leave, though the doctors would be keeping an eye on him just to make sure. First thing Rabi did when he got out was run to Kandas room. He banged on the door till it was answered.

Kanda looked slightly surprised when he opened the door. "What?" was all he said.

"Never," Rabi said, gasping for breath from his run. "_Never _do that again, Yuu-chan."

Kanda growled at him. "Well seeing as I can't help when shit like that happens" he was cut off by Rabi. Rather rude to ask a question then not let the person give the answer.

"Did you mean it?"

Kanda looked confused now. "…what?"

"You said you lied about not …not loving me." He whispered the last part. "Were you lying then, or the time before?"

Kanda paused. By now, he wasn't sure which time he was lying, or if he wanted Rabi to know which time. "…It doesn't matter." He scoffed and turned his back to Rabi.

Rabi grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

Kanda growled at him.

"It does matter, Yuu-chan… would it be easier for you to say if I said first?" Rabi gave a weak smile.

Kanda turned his head towards Rabi. …there was no way he…

"I love you. It took me so long to realize I did, but I do." Rabi leaned down and gave Kanda a kiss on the cheek.

Kandas face went red. "..Bookmans gonna kill you."

Rabi warped his arms around Kandas shoulders. "That's ok, I'd die for you." he gave Kanda another kiss on the cheek, closer to his lips this time…

Kanda pushed Rabi away and whorled around to look him in the eye, glaring at him. "S-Stop saying things so bluntly! Especially things you don't mean, like that."

Rabi chuckled. Now he knew what Kanda must have looked like when Allen saw him. "Nah, I mean it! So, you love me back or not?"

Kandas cheeks, though Rabi thought it impossible, got redder. His eyes widened. What was he supposed to say?! What did he want to say**? …**when was the true thing to say?

Rabi invited himself into Kandas room, closing the door behind him. "Are you going to say something or leave me in silence while my poor hearts breaking?" Rabi pushed his bottom lip out in a pout.

Kanda glared at the floor. "D-Don't make me say it again, idiot! Once should be good enough…"

Rabi gave a girlish squeal of pleasure. "So I was right! 'aishiteru' _does _mean 'I love you', right?"

Kanda couldn't believe Rabi had heard that. He would never be able to live that down…

Rabi paused. His face fell for just a moment, and then was turned into a smirked. He grabbed Kanda by the shoulders and pushed him into the door. "Then give me a kiss, koibito."

Kanda opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped when Rabis lips covered his own, his tongue slipped into his mouth…. Kanda had to try hard to suppress the moat from escaping his throat. Never, _never _would he let Rabi hear him like that, or anyone else for that matter.

One of Rabis hands went up and entwined with Kandas, the other unbuttoned the top three buttons of Kandas shirt.

Kandas heart was pounding, he couldn't breathe. He had to pull away from the kiss to stop himself blacking out from lack of oxygen. He took a few deep breaths, trying to stop his heart from going so fast, then, his breathing stopped again as he felt Rabi's lips on his neck. His heart went even faster now.

Rabi nipped at a spot on Kandas neck. Kanda took in a sharp breath, and, did Rabi's ears deceive him or did he just hear a whimper from his Yuu-chan? Rabi snickered. "Am I really that good, Yuu-chan? To make someone as composed as you gasp for breath?" he said agents Kandas neck.

Kanda stopped his panting. He didn't even realize he had been breathing so hard. He also didn't realize before how warm it was in his room…

Rabi bit harder on Kandas neck, trying to find his boundaries, next time harder, and harder, till he was afraid of breaking the skin. Every time he bit, Kandas breathing would get louder, and louder, till he thought he might have heard a moan mixed in there… 'So,' he thought 'my Yuu-chan likes it pretty rough, huh?'

* * *

Kanda woke up the next morning, far later then he did normally. He rolled over and snuggled into Rabi a little more. If he woke up now Kanda would never hear the end of it... He didn't want to get up, it was cold outside, it had been snowing all night and the floors and walls in his room were stone so it would be extremely cold. And the bed was so warm…

Rabi opened a bleary eye and smiled at Kanda, who, for a reason he didn't know, blushed. Rabi giggled and warped an arm around Kandas waste and pulled him closed to himself. "I never thought you'd be the type to cuddle, Yuu-chan." Rabi said sleepily and gave Kanda a soft kiss.

Kandas cheeks went red again. "I am not cuddling." He half growled and pushed his way out of bed, even though he didn't want to. He winced in pain and clutched his stomach.

"Told you you'd pay for it in the morning if I went as rough as you wanted." Rabi snickered, then made a noise of displeasure. "awwww, Yuuuuuu-chaaaaan" he whined. "But now I'm so coooooold."

Kanda scowled at him as he slipped his shirt on. "Then get up and get used to the cold." After Kanda was fully dressed, which took the whole of a minute, he was heading for the door.

"Yuu, where are ya going?" Rabi said as he rolled out of Kandas bed. He shivered when his bare feet hit the cold stone floor.

"Mission." Kanda said as he opened the door.

"W-what?!" Rabi said as he tugged on his pants, then nearly fell over form stepping on the hem as he ran to Kandas side. "Now?!"

"Yes, now." And with that he walked out the door.

Rabi looked at the door, hoping Kanda would come back through. But of course he didn't. "Yuu-chan, you pick the worst times to go on missions." He stomped back to the bed, plopped down and folded his arms across his chest.

The next morning, very early in the morning, Rabi got a call from Kanda, or so he guessed it was Kanda. Whoever it was they were yelling obscenities at him at an alarming speed. "Yuu-chan. This you?"

"The hell it is, you bastard! What the fuck were you thinking when you did this?!"

"Did what?" Rabi had no clue what Kanda might be so mad about, though knowing Kanda it was most likely a small thing that wouldn't bother most people much.

"'did what?!'" he repeated. "What did you do?! You left marks on my neck, you twat!"

Rabis face lit up. So it _did _leave marks, just as he hopped. "aw, Yuu, don't' be mad! You seemed to like it quite a lot when I was doing it." Kanda could hear the smirk in his voice, which only made him angrier.

"You have no right to mark me, bitch! You don't own me!"

Rabi started twirling a finger in the phone cord. He was half glad he didn't have to face Kanda when he was so mad…knowing Kanda, no matter how much he loved him, he'd hurt him. "But remember, Yuu-chan, 'let me be yours'? So then that _does_ give me the right to mark you as my own."

Kanda stopped. His face felt hot. Hearing those words he said repeated to him, he realized how stupid he must have sounded.

"Besides, hickies aren't permanent. With how quickly you heal it should be gone by tomorrow. And, you know, you left some marks on my too."

Kanda was still silent, but in furriery rather embarrassment. "…Whatever!" he spat out and banged the phone on the reserve.

Rabi chuckled a little and put the phone down. "You're such a hypocrite, Yuu-chan," he turned his back to the mirror in his room and looked over his shoulder at the long red scratch marks there. A few went all the way up to his shoulders. He signed. "You never thought of how hard it would be for me to hide these from bookman, did you?"

(I finally know how i'm going to end this story! there shoudl be able 3 more chapters till the end. and i bet a lot of people will think the end sucks XD but whatever. and if you haven't seen yet, all the chapter names are lyric in songs! XD songs that i think fit Rabi and Kanda very well. so far the songs have been Gazelle City by the Pillows, Centerfolds by Plcebo (that one made me cry xD;;) and Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground XD And comments make me write faster! XDD they really do! )


	10. Never thought all this could back fire

Rabi turned away from the mirror with another sigh. He reached for a clean shirt on his bed but before he got it he heard the door creak open. He froze, hoping, though he knew this didn't work at all, that being still would make it hard for him to be seen. Bookman stepped in the door then slammed it behind him.

Rabi turned his body as fast as he could, hoping form this angel his master couldn't see all the marks Kanda has left the night before…

Bookman glanced to his shoulders, then gave him a glare to rival Kanda's.

"Hello, Jiji! I got attacked by a cat this morning!" Rabi said with a smile, in a desperate attempt to cover up what truly happened. He slipped the shirt over his head quickly.

"Who was it?" bookman asked simply.

"I don't understand. I got attacked by a cat." In a way this was true, Kanda was a lot like a cat in many ways…

Bookman ignored him and walked over to his night shirt he had thrown on the floor. He picked it up, examined it for a moment and picked a long black hair off it. "How'd this happen?"

Rabi struggled for a moment then came up with something. "I gave Linali a hug this morning, her hair was down so I guess that's how it happened. "

Bookman peered at the black strand he still held. "…this isn't Linali's hair."

Rabi put a fake look of confusion on his face. "How can you tell?"

"Hers is a different color, and this one's too long."

Rabi raised an eyebrow "you sure? Who else in the order has long black hair?"

"I've seen you with him. You thought I didn't know?"

"W-With who?" Rabi asked nervously. There was no way out of this. He was screwed.

"Kanda. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, fool!"

And he's mad…bookman had done scary things in the past when Rabi had broken a rule as badly as he did now…. No, before the rules he broke weren't as impotent.

"Leave him. The second he gets back."

"What?! No, I-I can't! I….I love him, Jiji…" he looked pleadingly at his master, whos face never changed from that stern look of disapproval.

"Even more reason to leave him. Break his heart; make him hate you so you can never go back."

Rabi clenched his hands into fists. He had half a mind to hit the old man, but held himself back. "No, no way!!" Rabi shouted. "you don't' know what he's been through, he needs me! He said so himself!" Kanda would probably be mad for anyone else knowing about him saying that but not as mad as he'd be if Rabi did as bookman said.

"I know more about him then you do. And it doesn't matter; he will interfere with your recording."

"He won't! I promise he won't!" Rabi was back to begging again.

"…let's say he was going to die, and there was a way you could die in his place. Would you let history take its course, or would you throw away your life, which is far more impotent then his?"

Rabi paused. He could just lie, right?

"Don't' think about lying, Rabi."

Guess not. "I….um…my life isn't more voluble then his." Stalling was only going to hurt him here. "…Yeah, I'd die for him. I…I'd live for him, too…" Rabi trailed off.

"That's exactly why you're leaving him."

Rabi opened his mouth to protest but was cut off.

"My word is final, Rabi." bookman walked out of the room then, knowing Rabi couldn't disobey him.

Rabi stayed in his room all day, not wanting to go out in to the real world ever again. Kanda would be back tomorrow, and everything would fall apart. He'd worked so hard to realize what he felt for the boy, and to get them this far, to keep Kanda sane and himself… The phone rang later that night. Rabi scrambled to pick it up, nearly falling off the bed in the process. "Hello?" there was silences for a moment, a bit of static.

"Rabi…" Kandas voice came through the speaker. He sounded strange, quieter than normal. "…uh…how long did it hurt after your first time?" he whispered, he almost hoped Rabi didn't hear him.

Rabi made a few incomprehensible noises that stopped trying to talk all together altogether. "A…Are you telling me that was your…first time?" Rabi stuttered.

A low pitch growling sound came through the phone. "Do you really think I've done stuff like that before?" he snarled, though still keeping his voice quiet.

Rabi nearly dropped the phone. "Well, I didn't really think about… Yuu, you shoulda said something! Oh shit. I shouldn't have been that rough. Why'd you gotta be such a masochist?!"

"I am not a masochist!!" Kanda screamed back into the phone. "It's just…there's this pressure in my stomach…it kinda hurts..."

"G-Go see a doctor! You could be bleeding!"

"No, I-" Kanda was cut off.

"Now! Go see one right now, Yuu! This is bad…this is dangerous!"

"…fine." Kanda said and hung up the phone. He didn't go see a doctor. Rabi would never find out so there was no reason to, and Kanda really hated doctors. They smelled funny.

When Kanda came in through the doors of the order there was no one to greet him. He was happy about that, though, no one bothering him first thing, but…it was odd. There was no overly excited Rabi there to tackle him before he even closed the doors... He decided to think nothing of it and went off to the garden to meditate as he always did after getting home from a mission.

Rabi stayed in his room for as long as he could, which was about thirty minutes after Kanda got back, when bookman came in to tell him so. "Go down there, you failure, and fix what you've done wrong."

Rabi was shoved out of his room and heard the door being locked behind him. He put on a fake smile as he walked down the halls to where bookman had told him Kanda was. When he finally got to the garden he stopped at the door.

'This is it' he thought.

'Break his heart! Break his heart!'

He reached out a shaky hand to the door handle.

'Shut up…I…I hate you. I wish you'd just die!'

'Oh, but if I died, lovely, you'd die along with me!'

He opened the door slowly, trying to delay the enviable. He saw Kanda sitting on a slightly raised platform with his legs crossed, deep in concentration. His beautiful long, silky black hair only a few inches off the ground, that same beautiful hair that had led him into all of this… "Yuuuu-chaaaan." Rabi sang out as he half skipped over to Kanda.

Kanda opened an eye and glared at him. "What do you want?"

"I have something to tell you!" Rabi smiled. Why was he doing this? Acting so happy when inside he felt like crying? It was cruel. To Kanda too, making him think it was something stupid he wanted to say.

"Then say it and leave me alone." Kanda said as he closed his eyes again.

'Break his heart!'

Rabi's face fell. He took a deep, shaky breath, nearly let it out in a sob, then spoke. "I'm leaving you." he said bluntly.

'Oh, come on! That won't break his heart!'

Kanda opened both eyes now and looked confusedly at Rabi. His face was completely blank. "…what?"

"I'm leaving you." Rabi repeated. "You're unkind to me, abuse me at times and only take. I've given you everything I can and all you've ever done for me is hit me for being kind to you." Rabi turned to walk away, wanting to get away as soon as he could. Then he heard Kandas voice. The tone of his voice alone could have killed Rabi right then.

"I…I don't understand…did I do something wrong?" he sounded so pleading…like a child, almost.

Rabi couldn't help but turn his head to look at Kanda. He wished whole heartedly he hadn't. Kanda was close to tears, trembling slightly and had a look on his face like a child whose puppy had just been shot in the head. He stood up, shook his head once and closed his eyes tight, trying to will away the tears.

"Y-You think I didn't give you anything back?!" Kandas voice was shaky but still angry. "I gave you my body and my soul and…my heart." He had to stop to keep Rabi from hearing his voice break. "And this is what you do to me?! Maybe this _was _a mistake." Kanda turned his back to Rabi, he knew, however much he was ashamed of it, he couldn't hold his tears back much longer. "I mean, sure, you made me feel like life just might be worth all the shit you have go through…If you're leaving then do it! Don't stay around here!" he felt a sudden weight on his shoulders. "Get the fuck off of me!!" he whorled around, hoping Rabi would let go in the sudden movement but he still clung to Kanda. "…THE HELL ARE YOU…" Kanda stopped.

Rabi buried his face in Kandas jacket. He was sobbing, but no tears.

"…He made you do this?" Kandas tone of voice completely changed from one of extreme anger to one of slight fear.

Rabi nodded, face still smothered in Kandas coat. "I still gotta go." He said, and moved his face from his jacket.

"Where?"

"I-I'm really not sure." Rabi said with another of his fake smiles. "But bookman says we won't be back for a year at least."

"What?! What the hell kinda mission takes a year?!"

"Don't know. But I have to be leaving in two minutes…"he pushed his way free of the hug that was held together by Kanda. "Bookman says I shouldn't be near you anymore, so this will be the last time I get to talk to you."

"So you're still leaving me?" Kanda said, again in that tone that threatened to break Rabi own heart.

"I have to." Rabi said with a smile as he brushed a bit of black hair behind Kandas ears.

"Why do you care so much what he says?! You're already a failure! So what would it matter to break just one more rule?"

"Its kinda hard to explain…I was literally born to do this job... its like if someone gave you a reason to be alive. It's kinda hard to not do it." Rabi giggled. "I guess that's still hard to understand, huh? Well, I better be going before Bookman gets angrier. Bye-bye, Yuu." he sang as he walked for the door again.

"Y…You jerk!" Kanda yelled, took off his boot and threw it at the back of Rabis head.

"Hey! Yuu-chan that hurt!" Rabi turned around, rubbing the back of his head. He got ready to throw the shoe back, though not to hit Kanda, and stopped.

Kanda was clinging to the bottom of his oversized jacket, shaking just a bit. He blinked once, his beautiful blue eyes looking right at Rabi. then tears started to roll down his cheeks.

"Yuu…don't…" Rabi said feebly, reaching out a hand, dropping the shoe. Then couldn't help himself from going to Kanda's side. "Please don't cry…you make me feel like the bad guy here."

Kanda sniffed and brought up one hand to whip at the tears on his face.

Rabi took a very quick glance over his shoulder at the door; Bookman was there, waiting for him. "Yuu…I really gotta go… Please don't cry." He whipped away a tear with his thumb. Kanda sniffed again. "…can I have one last kiss, Yuu-chan?" Rabi smiled. He felt he really had to ask this time, seeing as he had managed to make one of the most feared men in the order cry.

Kanda didn't say anything for a moment, still busy whipping away tears. Then he reached his hands up to the back of Rabi's neck and pulled him down. Rabi could practically feel the glare shot at him by Bookman, but he couldn't care less right now. He broke the kiss after a moment and gave Kanda a weak smile. "Bye-bye, Yuu-koi." He smiled again before turning away, walking out the door from the gardens, down the hall and all the way to the train station. Never looking back.


	11. Me & you baby, can fix all the pain away

(WARNING!! CHARATER DEATH IN THIS ONE!! )

Rabi found out he lied to Kanda about how long he would be away. It took them one and a half years before they were back to the order. Rabi ran to the first pillar he saw and hugged it. "I missed you so much, freezing stone walls!"

"Stop being a fool and get inside." Bookman ordered.

Rabi was more than happy to do so and ran through the doors. A cry of excitement rang through the halls as just about everyone in the order came to greet him. Rabi gave everyone a hug, which took about six minutes because of the number of people. Kanda was not among them, though Rabi tried his hardest to keep his mind away from that. This task got much easier as Jerry, even though it was far past breakfast, made him a huge plate of steaming waffles.

Linali, Miranda and Allen all sat down next to him to do some catching up. After about an hour of talking Rabi asked about Kanda. No matter how much bookman hated it, he still loved him, though just couldn't act on those feelings. "Has anyone seen Yuu? I haven't said hi to him yet."

"He just got back from a mission of his own. Last time I saw him he was heading outside for some training." Allen said. "That was early this morning though, so he might be somewhere else by now…"

"Knowing Yuu he would still be out there," Rabi chuckled. "Well, would you lovely ladies…and Allen, mind if I left you for a few minutes?"

"Not at all!" Linali said with a smile.

Miranda just blushed and nodded.

Rabi walked down the hall way to the training grounds. Kanda should be pretty far back if he was still there. He didn't like anyone else around him when he was training. When Rabi first came here he thought this was because he was worried about hitting someone with his sword, but he found out very shortly that was not the case at all.

"Ah! That's right! Yuu had his birthday just a week ago, so he's nineteen now!" Rabi said to himself. "…only one more year, Yuu-chan, and you'll prove them all wrong. 'he won't live to see twenty.' my ass!" He slipped on something on the floor, and fell on his back.

"damnit!" he yelled. He rubbed his back as he got up. "What kinda idiot leaves water on a stone floor?" he hadn't been getting much sleep on his mission, (well, more missions) which made him more irritable than normal. He looked down to see just how much water was on the floor then he froze. It wasn't water at all, but blood. A small puddle of blood lay splattered on the floor.

"…w-what on earth?" Rabi whispered, then looked around the hall. There was a smeared handprint on the wall a few paces up, then after that another on the other wall. Rabi heard someone coughing then. "W-Whos there?!" he asked, a little scared. Was someone attacked and if so by who? No one answered his call.

Rabi started running down the hall towards the coughing sound, though it had stopped now. A huge puddle of blood was splattered right before the hall turned a corner. Rabi felt sick. If someone was bleeding this badly they must be half dead by now. "Whos there?!" Rabi called again. Again, no answer. Rabi turned the corner and froze once more.

Kanda was leaning his back agents a wall, slumped over, clutching his stomach and panting. Blood was running down his arm and dripping onto the floor. He coughed into his hand again and a new wave of blood was sent cascading down his arm. He spluttered and chocked for a moment, then went back to gasping for air.

"Yuu!!" Rabi ran to his side, dropping to his knees and lifted his head with his hands. "what's wrong?! Who hurt you?!"

Kanda brought his eyes up to Rabi slowly. His vision was hazy and everything seemed to not stay in its place all the time. He was still for a moment then turned his lips upward in a sort of smile. A few drops of blood fell from his lips in the possess.

"Yuu, what's wrong?!" Rabi asked again, his voice shaking with fear.

"Dying." Kanda said simply. He chocked again, but managed not to puke blood onto the floor this time. "…they said all my wounds would come back when the flower died…but I didn't know they meant on the inside." He gasped.

"What...no, you're not gonna die!" Rabi yelled, shaking him a little as he did so. "We're gonna get you to the doctors and they can fix you like they always do! And everything will be ok, and you'll live, and you'll stop bleeding and hurting and…And" Rabi started to cry, short sobs escaping his throat.

Kanda chuckled; his voice was getting quieter… "…hey…do me a favor?" he asked between gasps.

Rabi looked up at him, his face streaked with tears. "Anything you want…"

"First, stop crying." Kanda put unbloodied hand on Rabi's head. "and….you remember how I wanted to die?" he could barely breath now.

Rabi nodded shakily.

"Good, then I don't have to say something so stupid again." Kanda clutched at his stomach again in pain. He coughed up more blood.

Rabi got up and shaky legs and got behind Kanda, wrapped his arms around his shoulders and started to pet the back of his head. His other hand went over the top of his heart. It was beating very slowly… he was almost not breathing too. He was getting paler by the minute. "…it must be horrible to bleed to death…I'm so sorry."

Kanda managed a chuckle. "…a lot worse than I thought…" he mumbled and leaned his head back agents Rabis chest. For a moment he stayed like that, then his eyes widened, he jerked up out of Rabi's hold and let out a scream. A hand show up to clutch at his heart.

"Yuu, what's wrong!?" Rabi practically screamed back.

Kanda spluttered, coughed, chocked and spat more blood onto the floor. "Got stabbed in the chest. It reopened…"

Rabi's eyes winded, he pulled down the hem of Kandas shirt to where his hand had been.

Kanda gasped for air frantically, he didn't know what was causing it but he couldn't seem to fill his lounges at all…probably blood pressing agents them. "…no, inside." He barely managed to talk.

Rabi froze. If something hurt enough to make Kanda scream like that…he couldn't even imagine how much it must hurt. He pulled Kanda back to him, very gently, keeping a hand over his heart.

"…you want me to go with you?" Rabi asked very quietly.

"Hell no… you gotta live past twenty for me." Kanda turned his head a little so Rabi could see his face and gave him a weak smile. His skin was white, even his lips lost all color. His eyes were hazy and unfocused. Kanda laid his head back agents Rabi; it was too dizzying to keep his head up anymore.

Kanda started to become heavier in Rabis arms, his heart beat was dying away. Rabi opened his mouth, he was going to tell Kanda to hold on, but then he asked himself why? It would be cruel to keep Kanda here in this much pain…

Kanda stopped breathing, he gave up. His lounges couldn't push through all the blood in his chest. This was a lot worse then he thought it would be, it was like drowning in his own body…

Rabi started trembling, he felt like crying, but wouldn't let himself. Kandas heart gave one final, pathetic beat under Rabi's palm then stopped.

(……………………………………………………………….go ahead and hit me. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENES WHEM I LISTEN TO PLACEBO FOR A FINAL CHAPTER. XD;;; yeah…it's the songs fault. ….well, that's the end! 

D hoped you liked it! ….even if you didn't like the ending. If you didn't like the ending, pretend it wasn't there and they lived happily ever after and killed the Earl and stuff. XD )


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